Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: It's a girl.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
I don't know why people question the academic training of an athlete. Fifty percent of the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their classes.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
I wanted to be a doctor that I might be able to work without having to talk because for years I had been giving myself out in words.
The great secret of doctors, known only to their wives, but still hidden from the public, is that most things get better by themselves; most things, in fact, are better in the morning.
The doctor has been taught to be interested not in health but in disease. What the public is taught is that health is the cure for disease.
But when ill indeed, Even dismissing the doctor don't always succeed.
Joy, temperance, and repose, slam the door on the doctor's nose.
In the name of Hypocrites, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man: survival.
I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.