I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it's their fault.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.

Justice is merely incidental to law and order.

We were the Spice Boys.

Gluttony is not a secret vice.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow firm there, firm as weeds among stones.