Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

I read part of it all the way through.

All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography.

Of all lies, art is the least untrue.

I started at the top and worked my way down.

You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

Ads are the cave art of the twentieth century.

As an artist I come to sing, but as a citizen, I will always speak for peace, and no one can silence me in this.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow firm there, firm as weeds among stones.